OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH WHITE, STRAIGHT, PRIVILEGED FUCKING MEN.


SHUT THE FUCK UP.
YOU'RE SO WRONG.

CALM DOWN, DAPHNE.

My anxiety is become debilitating. Having panic attacks are literally the worst things to ever happen.

Low day.

I am having a really low day here at college. I'm just feeling like it is exactly the same as high school, except with 14,000 people not to be my friends. And it's not their fault, I'm not expecting them to all come rushing towards me and befriend me.

I'm just SO fucking anti-social. I literally took a 15 walk across campus just to get coffee by myself. Everywhere I look there are people surrounded by all their new friends. How the fuck do they do that?! I've been out of my dorm. I've went around and introduced myself to all my dorm mates. I feel fucking emotionally drained from trying to be outgoing. I'm not outgoing.

I have to keep trying. Because someone is going to be just as lonely as me, but equally as awesome.
If you would have talked to me last night, I would be have been much more the optimist.

A year from now, we'll all be gone.

I miss you. Yesterday was really hard for me... because I know it's probably the last time I'm going to see you, and we didn't even say hello.

I really hope things are going well for you. I always do.

Maybe I'll forget about you when I move away. Maybe that's for the best... I can see you have.

Even though I have a strong feeling, I hope you have fun with... nevermind... I can't even type it.


I'm so scared, and I wish I could talk to you. You've always been a good person to talk to.
Can you please just get wasted and call me, again? I want to say goodbye, and I want to talk to the you who's willing to talk to me like nothing ever happened.

Goodbye.

I mourned the loss of my high school career... until I realized I wouldn't miss most of the people.

I wouldn't miss 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, lunch, or 5th.

The only thing I would miss would be drama (well... and the snack bar brownies, but that's probably for the best)

And when I say drama, I mean fineman. I mean the greenroom. I mean Jesse, Ho-Jon, Joselly, Holly, Kaleb, Amanda, Sabryna, Chrissy, Casey, Mae Mae, Bim, Brandon, Roy, Tyrone, Ashley, and all the wonderful people I've met along the way.


But I wouldn't miss the bullshit.
And that's all I'm going to say.
I know what that means.
And nobody else needs to.

Feeling good :)

• try getting ready in the morning wearing only the underwear you look the best in (only buy underwear you feel the best in) or get ready naked. it’s like a scientifically proven fact that all boobs are amazing, and i’ve discovered there’s this weird victoria’s secret angel switch that gets flipped when you’re nude putting on makeup or brushing your hair. you just look like a fox.
• don’t be scared to do things you’re really good at in front of people (they want to see) and don’t be scared to talk about how good you are at things (there is a difference between arrogance and confidence, and we’ve been told repeatedly that being proud of ourselves is cocky and unattractive: FUCK THAT, WE’RE JUST THE SHIT, WE CAN’T HELP IT)
• in recent years i’ve discovered that i’m super hot. you also happen to be super hot. i think “super hot” is a combination of attractive, unique, and comfortable. it just took me a long time to learn how to make myself feel and look super hot, learn what you need to do to make yourself realize you’re super hot, and do that. (if you think i’m an idiot and i’m just telling your to put on tons of makeup, read the next bullet)
• make yourself feel pretty. makeup is not a bad thing. no, you don’t need it. no, you don’t have to have it to be “super hot.” but the coolest thing about it is that it’s a useful tool for shaping your hotness into exactly what you’d like to show to the world, and that’s badass. it’s okay if you aren’t born looking the way you feel inside, cause you have the power to tweak. that also goes for your hair, your clothes, etc. for example, do you think your head looks like a penis when your hair is short? grow it out. do you absolutely love when your head looks like a penis? THEN FUCK YEAH KEEP IT THAT WAY
• be honest as much as you possibly can. to yourself, be honest all the time. if you find you are having a really hard time telling certain people the truth, then maybe they are the wrong people for you. do you trust them? do they make you feel bad about yourself? NAH DUDE FUCK THAT
• if you are uncomfortable, you are instantly not super hot. i don’t mean like if you are wearing shoes you love and they hurt your feet. i mean, if you’re shaving your legs every single fucking day and you hate it but you don’t want anyone to say anything. instead, you should only shave your legs so you can feel the pleasure of your smooth legs against the sheets. or because YOU like them shiny when you’re at the beach. only change yourself if to YOU, that is super hot.
• masturbate all the time. that is all.
• the only dude that deserves anyone as super hot as you, is a dude that knows he is super hot. and a dude that realizes you and fawns in the glorious light that is your super hotness.
• don’t go to work if you have nightmares about it. quit and get a new job. you maybe probably aren’t going to love it (hey, maybe you WILL), because it’s work. but if it is affecting your well-being to the point of suffocation then quit. there are tons of shitty jobs that are less shitty than that one. 
• you really need to have a catalog of things that you know make you feel better. you will come across these things slowly and randomly. but remember them, and practice them when you feel shitty. you’re going to feel shitty, so be stocked up on plenty of antidotes.
• hurting yourself is so fucking not okay. i cut myself and all i got were these lousy scars. i starved myself and my pretty hair fell out and my brain was all fucked every time i ate anything for years. i tried to kill myself and had to stay in a mental hospital for the most miserable, depressing, loneliest week of my life. i drank myself into a stupor for a couple of months straight and all it did was hinder me learning how to actually help myself and solve my own mental issues. stop all that shit, and start figuring out how to love and how to feel better and how to be badass when you’re all alone and how to feel super hot.

-theprosaicmoments.tumblr.com/

Dear ladies.

I know how you feel about me, and I'd just like to point out that it really hurts my feelings.

You don't know me.
You've never spoken to me.
You've never tried to talk to me.

Your judgement of me is based off of who I'm dating, who I've dated, and the way my face looks. Really?

My face? You said that I look "angry and rude". I'm SAD. I'm sad a lot of the time and my face reflects it. The people I'm around, and the things that have happened have made me dread going to school. So okay... cool. Judge me. I hope it makes you happy.

Who I'm dating? I would just like to point out several things.
1.) It's been over a year since you broke up. IT'S BEEN 15 MONTHS. I can understand that your feelings were hurt. Mine would be, too. But really? I hope that you can realize that I'm coming from a good place. I don't have any negative feelings towards any of you. I find your entire group of friends to be adorable and fashionable, and it really hurts my feelings that you think so poorly of me.
2.) If it is the age difference that bothers you, I think you should reevaluate some things. Your bestfriend is dating a senior boy. The senior girl who you all love SO very dearly is currently talking to and kissing a sophomore boy, but you all still love her. Think about it.

Who I've dated? I still don't understand that one. I know you all are friends, and I understand that you would pick him over me. But I don't think there are sides to pick. We were a couple, and we were both at fault for it ending. Maybe you're hearing a different story, a story where I'm a crazy bitch; but that's just not the case. Nobody cheated, nobody hit, screamed, or slapped. We didn't "do eachother dirty". I've thought about it for  8 months, now, and I realized it's neither of our faults.

I hope you understand.

April fools.

I'm feeling emotional today.
I want to scream, and then sit down for a nice cry.


Happy April fool's day.

I was wrong.

I was wrong about so many things... things that if I had a time machine, I know we'd be in different places.

• music isn't just pretty instrumentals and smooth, soft voices. Don't get me wrong, soft and pretty music is a winner in my book, but there's more to it. Emotions and power and meaning can be found in the music I never even gave a chance.
• I talk wayyyy too much, and listen far too seldom. I'm not Mary Elizabeth, I need to listen.
• Being passive-aggressive angry is never a good thing.
• I HAVE to get over my fears sooner. I was never embarrassed, or ashamed of you. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way.
• I let other people put doubt in my head. I trusted and believed you, I just wasn't strong enough to drown out the noise.
• I put all the blame on you. It takes two, doesn't it?

 I guess now it's all just a lesson learned...? I wish you all the happiness, love, and fulfillment in the world. There's so much I want to say, but I just feel like I've been beating a dead horse with a stick for months.

I'm sorry.

Vaginas.

Did you cringe when you read the word? I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

I'm so sick of Vagina being a dirty word that makes people so uncomfortable. Why does it make us uncomfortable in the first place? It's a body part just like the rest of them. We can say kneecap, butthole, bellybutton, scrotum, and penis without even batting an eyelash. Literally half of the world's population have vagina's, and yet we all pretend they don't exist. We keep them a secret, and awkwardly giggle when we hear the word. They aren't gross, despite what society tells us. It's a God-Damned body part, that has as much beauty as those tits we all know you love so much.

Another thing: I'm tired of men making faces, and plugging their ears when girls talk about periods. Every healthy, fertile girl from the ages of 13 to 50 get a period 12 times a year. Getting  a period means that you're healthy, it means you have the ability to bring a child into this world. Sure, it's unfortunate, and not a happy subject. But I hear about men's bowl movements, and their race-horse urine streams every single day. Do I cringe? Do I cover my ears? No. Because bodily functions aren't disgusting, they're... natural. WHAT?! DOES THAT MEAN PERIODS ARE NATURAL, TOO?! IMPOSSIBLE. Calm the fuck down, men. I have cramps so bad that I literally cannot function. How are you going to treat me like I'm foul, and gross for something completely out of my control.? For something that created you?

Vagina's aren't dirty, they aren't immoral, but they aren't moral, either. They're literally just a body part, and I'm tired of the stigma they've been given in society. We're all so obsessed with penises, yet disgusted by vagina's. And it pisses me off.

Goodnight.

Happy valentines day!

Roses are red, violets are blue. Fuck you, whore.

I'm not the plague, you know.

Lots on my mind.

First of all, I just want you to know how honored I am that you felt like you could tell me. I can't tell you how ballsy you are, because it would have taken me years to admit what you did. But then again, I'm sort of a pansy. You are genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I've ever known, and you're also a total SILF ;D
No worries, I will be your spirit guide whenever what we have planned happens. It's going to be a hell of a night, and I'm pretty damn stoked.


Secondly, I want to say something about gun control. In my brain, the matter of gun control is very simple. Owning a hunting gun if hunting is something you enjoy is perfectly acceptable. Also, owning a handgun in your home for protection is something I can full-heartedly get behind (well... I'm trying to stay open-minded about this). However, owning an assult weapon, or one whose only purpose is to kill others, is completely unnecessary. No American citizen needs a gun who can unleash 50 bullets within a minute. Using them in war is one thing, but we are talking about joe-shmoe around the corner. Joe Shmoe does not need that sort of gun in any situation he is going to find in his regular life. I was argued against my belief, by someone who said that a man who owns too many guns is equivalent to the woman who owns too many shoes. To that comment, I say: you're ignorance is so appalling that I now believe arguing with you is pointless. News flash! Guns are meant to injure, kill, and mame other living things. Shoes are meant to be either a fashion statement, or a basic article of clothing. Using your sense of logic, I should be able to purchase atomic bombs, just because I think they're "pretty".

Lastly, I would like to mention my fear of my own body. I am constantly afraid that I have a deathly illness, or something that is likely to destroy my life. What do I have today? Lukemia, an enlarged heart, am I diabetic? Or is it endometriosis this time? I am also afraid of how my body is percieved by others. Should I shave my legs? Should I straighten my hair? Should I really eat that brownie? These are the thoughts that run through my head every single day. And it's complete BULLSHIT. Half of it is just my fear of death, and my lack of faith in the afterlife. But the perception of my body is something completely different. It has been drilled into my, and every other american girl's head that there is one definition of beautiful. I have to have nice boobs, a tiny waist, a big butt, curvy hips, long hair, and I have to be as hairless as a small child. Despite how slim I am "required" to keep my body, I also have to be able to eat like michael fucking phelps, because girls who don't eat aren't attractive either, right? I want to live in a world where my cellulite and stretch marks are just as beautiful as Kim Kardashian's ass. Unfortunately, that is not a world where I live, and I don't want to have a daughter who will be brought up in such a fucked society.

That is all.

I understand that.

I know you think it's unnecessary, but if you'd like... or if you'd let me... I could still be that person. I like to listen.

A Universally Acknowledged Truth:

a year ago, we both understood the consequences of our actions. We understood the ending before we even began, but the pro's seemed to outweigh every con we could think of.


But guess what? The con's are worse than we ever imagined. I don't think we'll ever get it back, and that breaks my heart.


It's 10th grade all over again, except now I think your distaste is genuine, and we don't have the time to fix how broken we've become. You were one of my very, very best friends, you know.

tonight.

Some facts on emotional manipulators

1. They can’t be trusted. No matter what you say, they’ll turn the situation round so they seem like they’re a victim, and have been unfairly judged.

2. They leave you feeling crazy, or mixed up and confused. They’ll twist your words and motives so you feel misunderstood - and they rationalize their actions so you seem unreasonable.  

3. They’re great at making you feel guilty or “bad”. Nothing you can do or say is ever right to them. No matter what you try, you know it always will be wrong.

4. They are passive aggressive. They’ll smile to your face and they’ll stab you in the back … and they’ll gladly talk about you … and pass along mean gossip.

5. They have the ability to manipulate the emotional climate in a group. So, if they’re feeling happy, and life is going well, they’re the life of the party and everyone must smile. But when their life is tough then they’ll moan, groan and complain … and they’ll make sure everybody feels miserable as well.

6. They are self-absorbed and a law unto themselves. Life is always by their rules - and everything revolves round them. They’re not accountable - and they will always please themselves.

How unfortunate, I found this scrolling on tumblr; what a coincidence! Did I do something wrong? I don't know... I think I said what has been needed to be said for a very long time. And I feel good.