Memories

“Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin.” - Barbra Kingsolver

I think that it's human nature to do this; to make up the past to be something either so magnificent, or so terrible. It's what makes middle-aged men reminisce about their "golden years", and what makes middle-aged mothers turn into stage moms. You want your life to seem more meaningful than it actually was. I know I do it, with pretty much every memory I have.

I have made my 10th grade year seem like this untouchable, truely wonderful thing in my mind. I've made myself believe that everything was so dramatic, and crazy-- that my life was Degrassi, or Gossip Girl. There is a reason those are fictional TV shows, because things (at least, in my life) aren't that exciting. I had boy problems. Big whoop. I had numerous "new life experiences" as Brenna likes to call them. It's called growing up. It's called being a teenager. It's not this ridiculous, highlight of my life.

I am going to do things one day that truely are great; that truely are magnificent. Things that aren't overexaggerations in my mind, but things of actual importance. Helping people, marrying someone I love. Helping the poor, and the sick, and the destitute. These things that have happened in my highschool years won't be "golden", they will be practice for what's yet to come.

Sweet Disposition

Still, to this day, one of the best compliments I've ever gotten was from the lunch lady at Washington. I'd say 3 days out of the week, I get a brownie and chocolate milk, and have cordial conversation with the lunch ladies. Finally one day, one of them stopped me before I left to sit down. She told me that I had the "sweetest little disposition she'd ever seen, and she hopes I never lose it." It made my day. It made my week. There is a possibility that it even made my month.

I guess I just always thought; or at least hoped, that kids would respect people, and be nice when given the opportunity. Maybe I just take for granted that I believe respect is such a big deal. It hasn't come from religion, it hasn't come from my parents, it just came from my common sense. At Cispus, we had to take a survey about the 8 essentials of leadership. I scored a 95% on respect. I got a 9% on forgiveness, but that's another issue. I just don't get why people feel the need to be so inconsiderate of other peoples' feelings.

This was made so clear to me in my first period class today. There is a girl in my class, who isn't all the way there. People openly make fun of her, and even my teacher ridicules her regularly. Today, a group of boys in my class were back-handedly making fun of her, and she got really worked up and called them all idiots. The teacher kicked HER out of the room, and left her outside for 15 minutes. I just feel like my teacher is biased to anyone who doesn't either: A.) Play sports, or B.) Plan on joining the military. Those are literally the only thing I ever catch him talking with students about. Music? Academia? Art? All of little to no importance to him. And it's apperent to anyone that looks.

I guess the moral of my rant is just that people need to find it in themselves to respect one other. Putting people down for their differences is not making you look "cool", or "funny". It's making you look like a dick. Cut it out.

I do Augustus, I do.

I'll hold my breath

I can tell the exact moment where you aren't yourself anymore. You don't say much, and you don't laugh like usual. I don't know if you're annoyed, and mad; I don't even know if other people notice it. Sometimes I try and be happy, and make jokes, but you just don't react. And then I feel uncomfortable. Other times I just shut up, and sit there. Again, I feel sort of uncomfortable.

It only lasts for a little bit, but still... I just wonder why, and if it's ever my fault.

Today.

• Shower
• Hang up my clothes
• Clean my room
• Study Calculus
• Get my portforlio shit in order
• Laundry :)
• Write you a letter
• Drive

Obviously I have a busy social life, huh?

Something is changing in me.

I can feel it. I was really thinking about my plans for the future tonight, while watching a political campaign for Barak Obama. And the more I thought, the more I questioned my previous plans for what I wanted to persue. When I go into my portfolio conference on Monday, I'm required to talk about how the classes I'm taking now relate to what I want to do after High School. However, I ran into a little problem.

They Don't.

I hate Chemistry, which I feel might be vitally important to a doctor. I have taken 10 elective courses, Bio-med not being one of them. I don't have the slightest idea what I am going to say when I'm standing in front of Stanzyck. But then I came to a realization. I'm not "passionate" about medicine. I don't go to hospitals feeling giddy and excited. I'm passionate about helping people, and making lives better. Obviously there must be a career better suited to my passions and beliefs, right?

And it hit me. I just spent 30 minutes watching and informational video on the election. And I do it often. I become enthralled, and impassioned when I have to deal with my political beliefs. Because they literally affect every element of social life in America. I mean, how couldn't one get into their beliefs? There is a whole field of study that I could dedicate my life to that revolves around it. Politics are constantly changing, and so would my views. Now, I'm not saying I want to be President of the United States, or even Governor of Washington. Political advisor, maybe? Campeign organizer? It's a new idea for me...

And I like it :)

Come Away to the Water

The three of you are in my hearts.
You, finally getting engaged after years of being in love.
You, with a new mother on the way, and a wonderful father who might not be here.
You, not knowing what's coming next.

Also, the three of you are in my hearts, as well.
You, dealing with the fact that your mother died of cancer the same age your wife is now.
You, being so small, and having to deal with such sadness.
You, having your life cut short when you've done nothing to deserve it. You really haven't. You have literally done everything in your power to be healthy.

None of you deserve what'd been thrown on you, and I wish you nothing but love.