Don't you fear, my love. Your sun will always rise.

what do you know about it.

You make it sound like passion is such a bad thing. What you'd like to do is just wait for close-minded people to die, rather than have a strong opinion about something now, rather than to fight about what's right now.

Where would we be if we applied that to everything political? We'd still have slaves. I wouldn't be aloud to get an education past 14, because I'd be too busy getting married at have babies. You wouldn't even exist, and if you did? You'd be one of the biggest taboo's of all.

You can't sit around and wait to have beliefs become reality. Things aren't going to change if people don't make them.



 Telling a woman that she wasn't "legitimately raped" is wrong. Telling a woman what she can and can't do with her body is wrong. Telling two gay men or women in love that they are unfit to raise a child, no matter how capable they may be, is wrong. And, according to you, stating those things is just as wrong. And it's not.


People believing that the right's of other people should be taken away because it doesn't match up with their beliefs is not something to just accept. And to sit around, never having an opinion about anything, is pacifistic.

Jesus.

If only I could believe as freely as others do.
Especially the things we don't all know to be true.

Well Apperently...

nearly every single book, movie, play, ect. ect. that I've ever found cute or charming is horrifyingly "misogynistic". 500 days of Summer. Breakfast at Tiffany's.Elizabeth Town. Almost Famous. When Harry Met Sally. Scott Pilgrim.  And obviously no self-respecting feminist would ever find them acceptable, much less adorable.

I don't watch Breakfast at Tiffany's and think, "wow, Paul is really protecting onto Holly the image of his ideal, perfect woman. He isn't seeing her as who she really is, what a pig!" No. I don't think that. I watch that movie and see a lady with some baggage and a man who finds her intriguing. As with all of those movies/books/ect..

I think Tom and Summer aren't meant to be together. I think that for a time; what they had was real, and true, and great. But Summer changed her mind, and Tom hadn't. Tom was heartbroken, not misogynistic. I would agree that he made Summer out to be more than she really was, but he was infatuated, not a douchebag. People seem to take Tom's infatuation, and make it into something it really isn't. If you found someone who loved everything you did, and saw the world in ways you hadn't, wouldn't you find them interesting? Wouldn't you want to know more? Wouldn't you think to yourself, "damn... they are pretty freaking cool, huh?"    

When women are infatuated it's seen as pathetic, and stalkerish. When men are infatuated they are either seen as A.) adorable, wonderful, caring or B.) Sexist. I don't see why it has to be seen like that. (to clarify, the affections of which I am talking about are unrequited.). People should be able to feel how they feel without being told they are pathetic, sexist, or adorable. If I were to be a man, and have a huge crush on a woman who didn't love me back, I would be upset enough without any name calling. Don't call me adorable, I'm obviously a hot mess. Don't call me sexist, I'm just heartbroken. Being heartbroken doesn't make you a douche, being an asshole makes you a douche. *cough cough* friendzone *cough cough*

maybe I'm just not looking hard enough... or maybe I'm looking at it from the wrong angle. But as of now, this is how I see it.

Oh... Ummm... Alright.

If you have to ask, you'll never know. If you already know, you need only ask.                                                          

guess I'll never know.

One week.

Why do I feel like adulthood is crushing itself all around me? If someone asks me one more time what I'm planning on doing with my life I might scream. I pretend like I know exactly what I want, but the truth is.... I don't. I have absolutely no clue. I thought I at least knew where I wanted to go to school after highschool, but now I'm not so sure. I don't think that 200 people per class sounds like a fantastic learning environment. Calculus last year would have been unbearable in a class of 30, much less 200. I need a job, I need money, I need to make up my mind, I need to apply to schools, I need, I need, I need.

Stressful. Holy Shit.

And I feel like Senior Year is just going to be a big ball of nerves, and indecision. But I can't be indecisive, this is my life. This is my future. I don't know if everyone feels this way, or if I am just naturally anxious. Well, we'll see, won't we?


PS. Having a panic attack at the Apple Store in San Francisco is not the most pleasant experience. 

I'm bringing a sweater

not willingly, might I add.

Note to self: drinking coffee at 8 o'clock at night is not going to help get your sleeping schedule back on track.

Note to self: I don't care.



I'll just go back to reading twilight. Because I'm still just a 13 year old girl with a potty mouth, no big deal. First boring night in quite some time, I need it. These next couple of weeks are going to be ridiculous. It seems like I can never de-stress, because something new is always happening to stir everything up.


On a separate note, I started sobbing whilst listening to Relient K the other day. I miss the days when I was consistently listening to them and Mariana's Trench. Deathbed is such an emotional song, though, I can't help but cry.

What is this?

Is this a twinge of excitement for the upcoming school year? Impossible!


I have a feeling this one might be the craziest yet, and for that, I am excited.

friends.

I think that's right, the way it should be. Mifuyu said it perfectly, "you guys have been so close for so long, that I can't imagine this ruining your friendship." I agree. I wasn't lying when I told you that you were my bestfriend. I have lady bestfriends, of course, but you are hands down the closest man in my life. I understand that we can't be there now, for obvious reasons. But once the bitterness, and the "relationship" feelings go away, I think things can be good again.

And you'll be my wonderful, platonic, bestfriend again. Because even though we want different things out of life, you and I as friends can have it all. We can have what we want, and we can have eachother's company, too. I can have my everything, and you can have your nothing, and we can grab a cup of coffee just because we want to. Because you are too important to me, you always have been, to lose you over this. I mean it.

To you

No, not you. A different you. I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you. You are a lovely, lovely young lady. I think that you are smart and eloquent, and kind. If we were closer, I would tell you all this in person. I was so confused when I heard what happened, and what you were told, because it is blatenly untrue. I hope you read this one day, and that you know who this is about. Because everyone deserves to know they aren't hated. And I don't.Really.                                                                                                                                             On a side note, I think this leadership thing is geting to me. I want to be more involved, meet more people, do more. More of everything.

I have nothing left to say.
I feel like someone threw a brick at my chest.
I'm going to go now.

I remember!

I remembered why I don't want school to start. I don't know how to function in a social setting... especially one like today. I wish I was with like minded people... I have nothing in common with a lot of these people. I look at them with blank stares because they are off having conversations about things I don't know anything about.  I obviously am too judgmental, and I know that... I need to work on it. I need to work on a lot of stuff; but who doesn't?

Maybe being back with people that I'm friends with will get me in a better mood. Or maybe I'm not the "leadership" type. I'd like to be, it's just the people I can't break through to. I'm kind of just shy, and I have nothing to say. I like watching, and I like listening. And then I feel awkward, because those kids aren't the watching and listening kind, and I feel weird being the only one not talking. Maybe the next few days will help me get better. I sure as hell hope so.

I need to be better, do better, feel better.

Actions speak louder than words

and your's spoke volumes.

I hope this is everything you wanted it to be...

Things are finally happening for me, and I'm quite excited. Adventure's on the way! :)

But:
No more dancing backstage...
No more cracking my thumbs...
No more trying to crack yours, but failing miserably...
No more letters...
No more standing in front of sprinklers...
No more late night phone calls when I have a nightmare...


Who knows, maybe this is exactly what you wanted it to be. Maybe you are having the time of your life, and I just wouldn't know. And that's the beauty of it.

punctuation.

"I want to change my punctuation. I long for exclamation marks, but I'm drowning in ellipses."

I need a change. I need an adventure. I need something that is going to make me see things differently. This sadness is going to stop, and I am going to grow from this. I will be stronger, better, tougher. I will be the exclamation mark in my own life. Because instead of taking this world on together, I am venturing out on my own; I'm going to need the strength of two. You aren't here, but I'm not alone.