Stress.

I just hope that all the insanity will calm itself. That soon I'll be back to blue skies, and clear seas. However, as of now, that's not looking possible. And you want to know why?

Because I'm not dealing with any of it. I have too much homework, so what do I do? I don't do any.
My parents are screaming at eachother daily, so what do I do? Pretend it's not happening.
I need to study for the SAT's, so what do I do? Talk on the phone.

I just want all the problems to disappear by themselves, but as time goes on, they just keep getting worse. And it's my lack of motivation to solve problems, and my fear of hurting other people that's just snowballing everything.


And on top of that, I'm freaking out over what people must think.  I know I shouldn't, that is was my decision... but it's still scary to think about. Because even though we've basically been like this for years, we've only technically been like this for months. And it makes me feel dirty. Because people don't know what's been happening since we were 13 years old, they only know what's been happening since March. It's not too soon for me, but I worry what others are thinking. Being "that girl" is one of the biggest fears I have. I've been seen as "that girl" before (mistakenly, but that's not the point), and it's not something I ever want to be again. When people start seeing you as "that girl", even if you aren't, you start to believe it. I'm not. I have morals, and I have convictions. Maybe they aren't the same as others, but that doesn't make them less valid. I just want people to like me...how pathetic.