breakdown.

I know exactly what I want.
But I don't know how to say it.

I want to be able to handle stress without shattering Buddha. I want to know what I'm talking about.
I want to not need you. I want to be able to take on all this weight by myself. I want to be the hero of my strory. I want to be my own savior.

But I'm not. I'm fragile, and I'm weak. I'm ever single character Ms. Fineman has ever cast me as. I am Betty fucking Crocker. I cry. ALL THE TIME. Hell, I'm crying now. I'm so sick it. For once, I want to be Antigone. I don't want to be sweet, and innocent, and cute. I want people to take me seriously. But for some reason, any sort of femininity is weakness. And I just ooze femininity... from my face, to my clothes, to my words. I wish that I could be girly, and strong. I wish people accepted that as a fucking possibility in this world. I wish I could be friends with guys without being seen as this bitch who just puts them in the friendzone. I'm sorry? I'm sorry that my friendship isn't enough for you... that if I can appreciate you as a person without wanting to marry & make babies with you, I'm leading you on.


MELTDOWN, HELL YEAH.